Friday, October 29, 2010

Suddenly...

Inserting the element of surprise into a scene is crucial and yet some of the ways to introduce it strike me as phony. Phrases such as "just then," "all of a sudden," or "out of nowhere," smack of amateurism, and yet how else do we change the tempo and go for the startle factor?



I struggle with this as I create suspenseful scenes. I'll use one of the trite phrases and then rack my brain for ways to improve the writing, all the while keeping the shock and awe.




A sound can do it. "Bang!" The crack of gunfire. A ringing phone. The roar of an engine.



Employing phrases that are not so obvious can work as well, although sometimes when I reread things like Almost immediately or All at once, they grate on my ear. Am I just super picky?



Of course, surprise can be introduced almost matter-of-factly, and maybe that is the most powerful way to do it.



As I write this, I'm leafing through The Da Vinci Code for some illustrations for my point, when I come across this piece of narration on page 275:



A sudden movement behind him caught his attention. Out of nowhere, a crushing blow to the head knocked Langdon to his knees.



Out of nowhere? Hmmm. I don't think any of us would call Dan Brown an amateur.



What are your thoughts? Any tips to share on this topic? How do you transition to surprise?



9 comments:

Alice Loweecey said...

How do I transition to surprise? After about 3 rewrites. It's difficult for me to avoid those "surprisey" cliches. Rewrites are my life. :D

Vicki Doudera said...

How true, Alice! How many do you do?

Alice Loweecey said...

Vicki, it depends. At least 3 for the whole book, but several spot-revisions after beta comments come back.

Sue Ann Jaffarian said...

When I look back at my earlier books, I shudder to see so many cheesy transitions. As writers, I think we mature with each book (or should). Now I'm more aware of them as I write and am able spot and clean up most before I get to my final edits. But it took time to learn that.

Darrell James said...

Vicki- I'm often shocked (and privately a litle embarrassed)when I go back to clean-up and realize how often I've used certain contivances. Thank gooddness for rewrites. And thank you for the reminder!

Kathleen Ernst said...

I've struggled with that one too. Some writers I admire use no transition, just "A gunshot echoed through the morning." That gives me pause as much as cliched transitions "Suddenly, a gunshot..." Haven't figured it all out yet, but it's a good think to noodle on!

Kathleen Ernst said...

Oops, I mean good thing to noodle on. Good thing to think about, too.

Vicki Doudera said...

It seems we are all in the middle of reading our drafts when out of nowhere comes a cheesy transition. Thanks for the comments!

Beth Groundwater said...

As the Nike slogan says, "just do it"!

I would rewrite Dan Brown's passage to say:

Something moved behind Langdon. A crushing blow to the head knocked him to his knees.

And Vicki, I do multiple, multiple rewrites. At least five of each chapter, I would say.